I listened to the Scrabulous song and really wish that I hadn't

I just listened to a song about Scrabulous. When I heard there was a Scrabulous song, I got a bit excited, especially when I read it was created “by an anonymous Scrabulous fan”. I was hoping it would be a nice lo-fi affair, maybe with some Bontempi keyboards. And that maybe it would make me feel the same way I felt when I first heard “Library Card” by Arthur and Friends. I had a feeling it might be in a similar vein. In my head, it would go: words, more words, maybe some cutesy reference to triple letter scores, perhaps make a thing of the blanks, more words, like have a line that goes “he/she turned my CUSP into BICUSPID, refused to let me go”, something like that, something wordy and clever and good.

The song starts, and it is instantly bad. It is immediately horrible. It is R and B, I think. It is supposed to sound sexy. A song about Scrabble has no business being sexy. It should have good words in it, and not have a line that goes “Oh, swappy swappy.” “Swappy” isn’t even in the Scrabble Dictionary. It’s not even a word. Why would someone do that? Why would someone who doesn’t know that “swappy” is not a real word write a song about how great Scrabulous is?

I’m not sure why I’m so angry about this. I think it’s a mixture of disappointment that it wasn’t the lo-fi song of my dreams; horror that it was (a) R and B, and (b) really really bad; and then irritation at the lack of correct word usage.

I really really hope that someone counters this atrocity by writing a lovely song instead. I imagine it would be right up Evan Dando’s street. Or Kimya Dawson’s. I hope they listen to it and come to the same conclusion. I hope they do it quick.