Today, somebody tried to strangle me. A strangle is different to a choke. They tried to choke me, as well. Many times. I tried to break their hands. And then punch them in the neck. It was a fun day. I wriggled myself out of headlocks and slid myself out of holds, all the time thinking: I could do some real damage if I was really in danger.
I just got home now and tried to get Biff to fight me. He is a wuss. He just said, “The internet is not working, can you reset it.” And then went back upstairs. No attack, no nothing. If only Jenn was here. She’d be up for a fight. Maybe I can get her to ‘surprise’ me with a stranglehold at the HOME launch? Though I’ll probably have forgotten all my moves by then. Maybe I will practise in the bathroom when I’m brushing my teeth. They say the best way to remember something is to incorporate it into your daily routine. Perhaps I should spend the minute after spitting out the toothpaste imagining hands on my throat, and twisting my body in accord, taking care to scrape the imaginary shin with my imaginary stilettos in the process.