Monday, 16 August 2010

No News, Just Ramblings

Last night I woke after sleeping all afternoon to find the house full of light. I cooked some rice and listened to a record. Upstairs, friends laughed. I went into the room and lay on the couch. They were being funny with words, swapping words. They were trying to think of new good words to swap. I pushed my feet against the arm of the couch. I felt straight, rectangular. I felt happy to be in the room with them. One of them tried to teach me a game but the rules were impossible. I played my hand anyway, hoping to somehow understand eventually. I still don’t understand. And then I did writing but I kept mixing the letters up. My fingers typed some things faster than others, swapping things around by accident while everyone else was asleep.

Today was lazy and spectacular. Today was a story pulled out of a hat at the last second. I have eaten a lot of hazelnuts. I still think I’m half-nocturnal. I am obsessed with Wuthering Heights right now. This week. Today. Not the song. I have a friend that I really miss being around. Today the friend seemed sad, but there was nothing I could do. I couldn’t even let them know I knew they felt sad. People wear masks and live in their own small worlds. Where I live, there is nothing wild. I miss the hills and ponds and tall grasses of my childhood. I miss climbing trees. I would give this friend a forest to lose themselves in. I think being lost might make everything all right.

I think I’m different to how I was. I still don’t know for certain if that’s a good thing, but I think maybe it is, that soon I will settle into this new skin and there will be stillness in my life again. Everything I write down feels like a story, or that it could be a story. I’m completely blurring the edges between fact and fiction. I always have done. I’m always thinking: can I use this?

I met two deadlines this week, one admittedly by the skin of my teeth, after realising my original piece was well over the wordcount. It’s been a good week. Not so strange as some of the weeks I’ve had lately. But interesting all the same. More of this please.

8 comments:

Meredith said...

Whoa, this was written in such a compelling style, I felt the lines of fact and fiction blurring right along with you, I think. I also identified because sometimes I feel like that is exactly how I experience things but I'm either afraid to talk about it (because observing the undersides of people's masks does not serve to forge ties), or inadequate, or something. In any case, very compelling to read. I hope the goodness of life continues!

emma said...

Thanks a lot Meredith. It's tricky, because there's always the worry that there's too much truth or too much fiction. I guess all we can do is keep trying to nail it. xx

Meredith said...

I can understand that completely! I'm going to explore writing in that style soon. :)

Sidthegnomenator said...

Hey Emma, love this post. You have a great way of writing. Hope you are doing ok. Kirby xxx

Just thought I'd tell you I've moved (blog) house: How Kirby likes her Coffee

erg! been doing html all morning and it's just getting all jumbled in my wee head.

emma said...

Thanks Kirby. You too. I'm liking the new blog. The Somerton Man thing is a bit spooky. Hooray for Wikipedia (although we prob. shouldn't be saying that - try finding that in the online subs though!) xx

Sidthegnomenator said...

Thank Oli for the Somerton Man business - he and I are hooked on these unsolved mysteries. We also talk Zodiac quite a bit. Very eerie!

emma said...

I think the whole McPherson thing started him off. Most entertaining few weeks ever. xx

Sidthegnomenator said...

I should ask him about that - because I have no idea what it is and I just know he'll love to tell me!