Last night I woke after sleeping all afternoon to find the house full of light. I cooked some rice and listened to a record. Upstairs, friends laughed. I went into the room and lay on the couch. They were being funny with words, swapping words. They were trying to think of new good words to swap. I pushed my feet against the arm of the couch. I felt straight, rectangular. I felt happy to be in the room with them. One of them tried to teach me a game but the rules were impossible. I played my hand anyway, hoping to somehow understand eventually. I still don’t understand. And then I did writing but I kept mixing the letters up. My fingers typed some things faster than others, swapping things around by accident while everyone else was asleep.
Today was lazy and spectacular. Today was a story pulled out of a hat at the last second. I have eaten a lot of hazelnuts. I still think I’m half-nocturnal. I am obsessed with Wuthering Heights right now. This week. Today. Not the song. I have a friend that I really miss being around. Today the friend seemed sad, but there was nothing I could do. I couldn’t even let them know I knew they felt sad. People wear masks and live in their own small worlds. Where I live, there is nothing wild. I miss the hills and ponds and tall grasses of my childhood. I miss climbing trees. I would give this friend a forest to lose themselves in. I think being lost might make everything all right.
I think I’m different to how I was. I still don’t know for certain if that’s a good thing, but I think maybe it is, that soon I will settle into this new skin and there will be stillness in my life again. Everything I write down feels like a story, or that it could be a story. I’m completely blurring the edges between fact and fiction. I always have done. I’m always thinking: can I use this?
I met two deadlines this week, one admittedly by the skin of my teeth, after realising my original piece was well over the wordcount. It’s been a good week. Not so strange as some of the weeks I’ve had lately. But interesting all the same. More of this please.